I don’t know if I can do this…

Princess has very pretty, very unusual eyes.  They are hazel (like DMP- more brownish than greenish) and she has a “magic spot”- a spot of dark brown in her right (?) eye.  Her Aunt Jen dubbed it that shortly after it showed up when she was a baby (and still blue-eyed).

A couple of weeks ago, she went through a period where she really, really wanted blue eyes.  To the point that she was begging me and crying that she wanted them.  She also said she didn’t want brown hair.  I don’t know what touched it off- maybe it was the fact that most of her friends are blue-eyed tow-heads or that Birdy has been getting comments and attention for her big blue eyes.

The point is that I felt helpless and I didn’t know how to react or what to do. Nothing I said could convince her that she had awesome, amazing eyes that are WAY cooler than boring plain blue ones.  No one thing I said helped, but over the next couple of days, I pointed out all of the brown-haired/not-blue eyed princesses, people and etc. that we saw.  I think the most helpful thing was when one of her beloved Aunties pointed out that she also had brown hair and hazel eyes and that Sam, her best cousin-friend,  also had them that things turned around.

The crisis has been averted, but my panicking, helicopter-mom self is freaking out.  I know that this is a smidgen of what could come in the future.  How do I help her navigate the mine field that is our society with it’s obsession with stuff, beauty and looking a certain way. Add to that the developmental stages that kids go through where they want to fit in and not be unique- how do you help them?

I plan to pray a lot and do the best I can.  My very wise Aunt and I were talking about something like this in Sedona, and she pointed out that a lot of that stuff comes from the example a Mother sets. 

She pointed out that I probably avoided a lot of teen angst about how I looked and what I wore and etc because my own Mom wasn’t obsessed with that kind of thing and set a good example.  As I think of my friends who also seemed to successfully navigate the “I hate how I look” period, they also had moms who were good examples. 

So there is hope, I guess, but the whole thing still has me freaked out.  It was so hard to hear my perfect, beautiful little girl say she wanted to change something about her appearance at almost 4.


August 10, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. cynthia replied:

    Have Grandpa tell her that green-eyed people are the smartest people in the world. Worked for me (still does actually…)

  2. Jane replied:

    Awh….the never ending saga of building self-esteem and “proud to be me”. Good Luck! (of course, luck is when opportunity and preparation meet).

  3. Kate replied:

    I read this entry to Matt and it broke both of our hearts. You know Matt adores Princess, and he couldn’t figure out why such a gorgeous little girl would feel that way. But it did get us talking about our future children. We’ve acknowledged the fact that they’re probably going to go through something similar.

    Matt said there were times when he was younger that he wished he was white, because it would just be easier. We’re both expecting our kids to have similar issues (I mean, we hope not, but it is likely) because they won’t be fully asian, but not fully white either. So it’ll be interesting. So we talked for a bit about what we can do to help them know that they are perfect, beautiful kids all on their own etc (because of course they’re going to be).

    And we pretty much came up with the same conclusion you did, we just have to try our best and help them to be proud of who they are.

    But give Princess an extra hug from her aunt and uncle in London, okay?

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